The Leek Articles - Satire
The Leek Articles - Satire
Local Student Claims Climate Change is a Hoax
Local Student Claims Climate Change is a Hoax
M. Leek
M. Leek
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Local student claims “climate change is a hoax” because “If it’s real, then why did my dad never come back from buying milk ten years ago?”
Local student claims “climate change is a hoax” because “If it’s real, then why did my dad never come back from buying milk ten years ago?”
Recently, the city of Boston has been bombarded by a barrage of climate activism appearing in the form of strikes and protests. The first major event that began this surge of action was a strike on September 20th, 2019, which consisted of protestors marching to the State House and demanding Charlie Baker’s presence. As students have become more vocal during classes about their climate related concerns, other students have taken to voicing their counter protests in the hallways at school as retaliation. One student named Throckmorton asked to come and speak with me about his views on the issue.
“I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS,”
“I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS,”
“I just don’t see what the big deal is,” he began, his gelled hair spiking up towards the ceiling. “Like, I’m pretty sure climate change is a hoax anyway. Skipping school to go to Boston and yell at people is pointless. If you’re gonna skip school, do it for an actually worthy cause.”
When asked what he deemed an actually worthy cause, Throcky said, “I don’t know. Something to do with right whales or polar bears or something.”
“Do you think the purpose of a strike is to yell at people?” I inquired of him, to which he said, “I don’t know. My dad always said strikes were pointless.”
It seemed that Throcky’s father greatly influenced Throckmorton’s views on climate change as Throckmorton’s rebuttals to my eloquently presented evidence started to blend into questions like, “If it’s real, then why did my dad never come back from buying milk ten years ago?”
The discussion ultimately turned into an analysis of Throckmorton’s daddy issues, and I ended up attempting to exit the situation as Throcky continuously accused me of being “just like my [his] father. Argumentative. Stubborn. Attracted to men.”
I watched confusedly as he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
I watched confusedly as he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
The conversation taught me a lot about climate change deniers - or rather, how to avoid one - and I decided that the next time someone came to me wishing to discuss the validity of climate change, I’d send them to a therapist instead.
-- XOXO M. Leek
Disclaimer: All events and people described in the article are fictional. Any similarities to real life events or people are purely coincidental.
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