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Clandestine Caffeine

By Ella Byrne-Cabot

Edited by Katherine McDonagh

Is that a Whiteclaw I see on my table-mate’s desk during A-mod? No, it’s Celsius, the energy drink, contrasting the Starbucks frappes usually seen this early.

The minimalist and incognito packaging intrigued me. “Is Celsius good for you?” “Will Celsius help you lose weight?” “Can you drink Celsius every day?” are the questions that come up when you search “celsius drink” on Google. Maybe the confusion comes from the change in branding; in 2005, when it was created, it was marketed as a weight-loss beverage, with the tagline that it would burn calories. After losing its deal with Costco around 2018, investors gained more interest and poured money into it, reviving the company in America. During this time, along with the general public interest, it shifted from an obsession with overt weight loss to fitness and health. In Sweden, it’s one of the top energy drinks, with different tropical branding.

Obviously, I had to try it. The flavor profile for the watermelon one, carried at Donelan's Supermarket, is watered down watermelon seltzer with a RedBull and Sprite aftertaste. Following general advice for energy drink consumption, I drank it over the course of 2.5 hours, during a nighttime dance rehearsal. It didn’t make me jittery or nervous like my singular past experience with Monster Energy, but didn’t make me super energetic like cold brew, despite the caffeine content being 200mg. In response to the calorie-burning claim, it has 10, so if it burned 10 then it’s just like normal seltzer, right?

They seem newfangled, but energy drinks have been part of our society for 5 decades. 100% of the sugar, twice the caffeine, it’s 1985 and one of the first major energy drinks in America is Jolt Cola marketed amid the caffeine and sugar-free soda craze and became defunct (before a 2017 Dollar General revival) in 2009 due to the recession and a sealable-versus-unsealable container debacle.

What if you regret your caffeine consumption too close to bedtime? The antithesis of an energy drink is Tru Dream Sleep Blend, a sleepy-time beverage packaged like an energy drink, which tastes like cherry cough syrup mixed with soda. Call me holistic, but if I’m trying to fall asleep, why would I want something carbonated? The melatonin answers that question for me. I’ve only seen this start-up in natural food stores so far, while Celsius is shifting into the mainstream. Despite the drug, I didn’t conk out or feel more rested in the morning. Maybe stick to the children’s melatonin gummies?

If I drank them at the same time would I experience something akin to drinking DayQuil and NyQuil? Nothingness or everything at once?

Conclusion: these cans are easy to grab to get a caffeine fix when you have places to be. When I feel the slump, I’ll always stick with a green tea matcha. When it comes to information regarding products marketed as healthy, there are more questions than answers.

Sources

Menayang, Adi. “The Lessons Learned That Brought Energy Drink Company Celsius to the Top.” Nutraingredients, William Reed Business Media Ltd., 24 Apr. 2019, https://www.nutraingredients-usa.com/Article/2019/04/24/The-lessons-learned-that-brought-energy-drink-company-Celsius-to-the-top.

“Our Story.” DrinkTru.com, https://drinktru.com/pages/our-story.

Reporter, IBT Staff. “Jolt Cola Maker Files for Bankruptcy Protection.” International Business Times, 9 Jan. 2013, https://www.ibtimes.com/jolt-cola-maker-files-bankruptcy-protection-332741.

Spargo, Marty. “Celsius Energy Drink Nutrition Facts (Details).” REIZECLUB, REIZECLUB, 4 Feb. 2021, https://reizeclub.com/celsius-energy-drink-nutrition-facts/.

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